It's been a while since I've done a Tea Talks but I wanted to start them back up again. Recently, I've been putting a lot of focus on the fact that focusing on the future causes anxiety and focusing on the past causes guilt or regret. I'm really trying to stay in the present but more importantly the moment. Here are a few of my tips.
1. Try Mediation: This may sound a bit silly but the whole point of mediation is clearing your mind and achieving a state of just being. It significantly decreases your anxiety which helps you focus on the now. If you continue the practice eventually you get use to the state of being and so being in the moment starts to translate in all areas of your life.
2. Turn off your phone: I am just as guilty of this as the next person. I probably have a bit of A.D.D. but it's hard for me to only be doing one thing. I don't mean to be rude but I am rude. I can't get through a dinner without checking Instagram, emails, texts, Facebook, etc. There isn't even a real reason other than needing that extra stimulation. I swear this isn't because I know boring people. In fact, I know really interesting people. When I disconnect from my phone I find a deeper connection to the conversation and therefore, the person.
3. There is no glory in self-neglect: Realize your needs. If you are neglecting a part of yourself, it's like having a little blinking light in your peripheral and trying to ignore it. The light is still there. If you're hungry, make sure you eat. If you haven't slept, take a nap. If you have to pee, go pee. The point is that if you are ignoring something you have to do in order to be there then you're not really there. The reason being is because you are distracted. It is okay to say, I really need to need to take care of this before I can fully immerse myself.
4. Ask more questions: I have found there is a lot of joy in asking other people questions and diving deeper into who they are. It allows you to know them and enjoy who they are. It allows you to escape in their world and maybe even be of some help. If your friend is taking to you about something as small as a guy she really connected to ask questions. What does he look like? What do you think you'll do next? What is it that you connected to? Allow yourself to become immersed in their life.
5. Let it go: Your life will never be perfect. It will never be problem-less and there will always be something you should probably get back to. Let it go. I've had some of the best experiences of my life by saying "Fuck it". One night when I was in Amsterdam, I remember it was getting to be late in the day and my friend and I were going to change to dress up for dinner. On the way home, we ran into people drinking and talking about the football match that was just on. We ended up stopping to talk to them so they invited us to sit and drink. We both thought about going home and changing and thought, "Screw it. So we won't look perfect for dinner." We ended up staying for two hours and having the best time. We laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. We also ended up making great friends who should us around the city and took us to the best spots to eat, drink, and dance. We didn't let changing or the fact that we had dinner in a few hours or that I was going through a break up and she was having a quarter life crisis ruin it. We just enjoyed it and we weren't even late for dinner.
6. Cultivate the Habit of Being Grateful: Enjoy and engage in every moment. I know it sounds cliche, but every breath could be your last breath. Life just ends. It can end at any moment so any time you have should be celebrated and enjoyed. Hold on to that. Don't fear death or any impending "doom" but celebrate the temporary of it. It only last so long so you have to really savor it. If you don't you're just missing it.