Tea Talks: Modern Dating

Pat Benetar meant it when she said love is a battlefield. Modern dating almost makes you wish that we lived in an era where our matches were planned for us except the idea of meeting your husband the day of your wedding is slightly terrifying. Still, if dating could be less work life would be pretty damn sweet. Here is a guide to all the shitty, nervous, and utterly terrible mostly female daters: (completely written from mistakes I've witnessed) 

1. Texting: it's a terrible means of communication. Be clear and direct about things. Just say what you mean to say. DON'T- Read into his texts too much. He's really busy may mean, he's really busy and if he's blowing you off then no amount of texts you send will stop that. If you send two texts in a row, okay but five is not a good look. DO-Craft flirtatious and hopefully witty responses. 

2.  Don't worry about defining everything. When you worry about defining it all, dating, boyfriend, friends, fuck buddy, etc. You start worrying more about the label then the person. So many people get so freaked out when labels are pushed in their face because in many ways it seems so definite. Just enjoy your time together. Most of the time, labels will get be assumed and eventually no one will fight it.

3. Fly your freak flag. Are you weird? Awesome. Join the club. I bet the person you are courting is equally as strange. Just be who you are. They will either love it or hate it but I'll tell you this: they will know when you are being fake.  

This being said I'm terrible at dating but these are the three things I know.  

Here are a few more tips VIA Lifestyle of The Unemployed 

Look, no one is expecting you to lay your coat over a puddle anymore.  But you do need to show a little chivalry if you want to survive the modern dating world.  Here’s an updated gentleman’s guide to dating in 2014.

Then: Paying for Everything

Now: Pay for the dates you plan

I’ve heard everything from 100% to 50/50.  The reality is that you should pay for the dates that you plan.  And you should plan virtually all of them.  Think of it as home court advantage.

Then: Ordering for her

Now: Give her suggestions.  Let her order first.

The second you order for her, everyone in the restaurant will think you’re a chauvinist dick.  Including your date.  But if you’re a regular, you should know what’s good on the menu.  She’ll appreciate a suggestion.

Then: Dinner and a movie

Now: Picnic at the beach

Dinner and a movie will set you back $100 and involves two hours of no talking.  Lame.  Instead, plan a meal.  Make it ahead of time.  And roll out the red blanket.  Bonus points if you can take beach cruisers.

Then: Jeans with untucked button down

Now: Some style

The easiest way to tell a couple is on a first date is if the guy is wearing a button up and True Religion jeans.  Instead, kick it up a notch anddress appropriately.  Not in a uniform. 

Then: Match.com

Now. Tinder

Full disclosure: I haven’t personally used either.  But I love Tinder.  It’s incredibly addicting and gets straight to the point.  Anytime my buddy leaves his phone out, I’m on it.  And it actually works.  He’s gone on more than a few dates from it.

Then: You’re proud you’re her first

Now: You’re proud you’re better than all the other guys

If she tells you you’re her first, she’s trying to make you feel better.  Want to know how many guys she’s slept with?  Take her age, subtract 16, multiply by 3, add 9 for the college years and square it if she routinely orders a fourth martini.  I’m joking but the point is that you’ve got competition.  Don’t let it get to you.  Instead, let it motivate you to be better.

Then: Preventing Facebook Recon

Now: Instagram, Tumblr, LinkedIn…

You know she’ll be checking you out ahead of your date.  So lock down your sites.  You need to control the flow of information.  That doesn’t mean getting rid of all social media.  Just monitor the who’s taking a look.  A little mystery makes you more appealing.

Then: Next morning sneak out

Now: Next morning yoga

Only a totally asshole sneaks out.  You’re not that guy.  Instead, during dinner, ask her to do an early morning workout.  That’ll get you both up and moving (or at least give you an excuse to leave).  If you play your cards right, she’ll find it endearing. 

Then: Introduce her to your family

Now: Introduce her to your dog

I love my family.  But my dog might be the most important living thing in my life.  And she’s scared of strangers.  Before you invite a lady back to your place, think about what’s waiting at home.

Then: Flowers

Now: Flowers…They’ll never go out of style

Seriously.  I’ve never met a girl who doesn’t like roses.  I usually go for white ones.  Red if its a special occasion.  It’s the best $10 bucks you’ll spend.

Then: The first time you kiss

Now: The first time you hold hands

If you’re holding hands, a kiss is inevitable.  But wait for the right moment and be prepared.  That means no stuffing your hands in your pockets as you walk.  The best moment is right after you make a joke and she’s laughing.  Don’t second guess yourself.  Just go for it.