From Heartbreak To Self Love

I wrote this many years ago for myself when I had been feeling broken-hearted. I found it in my drafts box and wanted to share it with everyone.  

BAM. Like a ton of bricks. It's over. You love this person. You put your time and energy into this person and now they are gone. Where do you put that energy now? And what about that space you created so then they would have a place in your heart? You made it for them and now they're gone. 

We can sit here and talk about how empty we feel...or we can make use of the space!

What if we were to use that space for ourselves? Instead of spending money on movie tickets for you both, treat yourself to a massage. Instead of telling your significant other why you love them today, instead meditate on why you love yourself. Instead of trying to cook the perfect meal for them, how about cooking your favorite meal for yourself (no judgment if it's donuts and pizza). 

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Furthermore, the energy you had for a little bit of a late night "snuggling," well, you can take it to yoga (or boxing if you have a bit more aggression to get out). You can shop online for ways to "snuggle" yourself. Again, no judgement. Your body, your rules.

Don't get me wrong, losing a significant other is definitely hard. You will miss them and you will cry. Don't judge yourself for that, but do you turn that energy and focus towards something more positive. This is a chance for you to get to know yourself better, and find what you're capable of when it comes to working through heartbreak. 

Think of all the things you've wanted to do. Make a list. Maybe it's a dance class. Maybe it's exploring new city. Maybe it's binge watching every documentary that your partner would never sit through. 

During my heartbreak, I had spent a lot of time away from people, which made them think I was having a meltdown. Sometimes I was. Sometimes I was red faced, tears streaming down my face like the waters of the Mississippi, with a box full of tissues, ranting about how Carrie could never afford that apartment and Aiden was such a good, safe choice. 

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Mostly though, I was going to yoga class, educating myself on old French films, trying to map out what I wanted to accomplish in the next few months, determining if I could eliminate French fries from my diet (fail), and practicing meditation for the first time without a group. 

It took separation from all the invitations and pity parties people gave to cheer me up to find myself and my voice. In my heartbreak, I had lost a bit of my charisma and strength, and I knew I wanted that back.  

Here's the deal: when you are heartbroken, people are waiting with invitations. "Oh, we'll get you drunk and you'll forget about it," "Come on, you have to stay busy," "Let's go out and have a good time". That's great! People care about your happiness! Busyness, though, isn't necessarily happiness. And as hard as it can be to deal with, pain is a great opportunity for growth.