Perfectly On My Own

I believe I lost a bit of myself in 2016. At some point, I start to feel very negatively about myself and my life. I wouldn't chalk it all up to depression, considering the circumstances of the world, but a part of me did feel like it became unhinged. 

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2017 didn't suddenly make that all better. However, the holidays spent away from almost everyone I knew did me a great service. I was very unhappy at the thought of being away from my family and close friends during such a cheerful time of the year. Yet ultimately being alone helped me find who I was again.

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Rather than spending every day on someone else's schedule or worrying about making my family happy, I got to wake up every day for a solid 11 days and ask myself, "what do I want to do today?" Work was at a halt, many places were closed, and there was nowhere I had to be on any given day. What a beautiful thought! Every day I woke up and did 15 minutes of yoga, followed by meditation, before deciding how to spend the rest the day. Some of the days I went for adventures around LA. Other days, I gave myself a Harry Potter marathon with butterbeer. No judgment if I wanted to be lazy and no judgment if I wanted to be active on days like Christmas when you're supposed to be lazy. Somehow, I started to feel myself become more alive. 

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As I travel into the new year, I feel a purposeful isolation. I enjoyed my time alone so much. I felt so free that I don't really want to give it up to everyone who asks me whether or not I went to the gym that day or if I feel like going to dinner when I know I really don't feel like going to dinner or feel guilty because I'd rather stay at home and go out that night. I free myself of any responsibility to feel as though I must give up my alone time in order to not let others down. I will feel free to decide to do whatever the hell I want when I want to.