Free To Be Faulty

"Don't judge others because they sin differently from you" has always been a quote I loved but didn't spend my life living. In my early twenties, I was one judgmental lady. I had a permanent side eye bitch face, lost friends and established a reputation as being hard to please. When I look back at that part of my life, I realize that I was actually just afraid of everything that was different than me. 

 

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I was afraid to be free in who I am. I was afraid of new experiences. I was self-conscious. I was hiding. I was hiding depression, anxiety, sexuality, and judgements upon myself. I would love to say that I just let go, stopped judging others, and became happier for it. But in actuality, I made tons of mistakes, went down dark rabbit holes, did some not great shit, and was maybe even "that girl who..." a few times. So eventually, I just didn't have a leg to stand on without being a hypocrite.

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Now, okay, I didn't kill a puppy, vote for Trump or snort coke off of the stage of a strip club but I hurt friends, fell into depressions, bathed in my despair, and spent a lot of time being a thoughtless, selfish person. After that, I just decided that wasn't how I wanted to live. My life was going to be about honesty, truth, love, kindness, thoughtfulness, empathy, and zero shame about my mental health or actions. 

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Suddenly, I was free as fuck. I was free to be exactly who I was and in doing that, I was happy to have everyone be free to be themselves as well. I was accepting. I became helpful to those in need. I began to really invest in others with love and gratitude. I cared but not about what people thought of me. So, I'm not perfect or always getting top marks in the "good person" department but I don't care what people think. At the end of the day, I can take full responsibility for my faults or mistakes. I can take account of where I went wrong and correct it. I can own who I am in every way. I will tell ya, I'm much happier this way.

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