I am hoping to give you an open-hearted piece of writing on this blog post. This past year has kicked my ass. There are so many things that I don’t speak about publicly for the sake of the privacy of others. I hope in time I will open up to help others. I believe I have a lot to say that can help other women. I believe that I have faced the hardest choices in this year in my professional, personal and romantic life. I have made choices that I’m not always proud of, choices that make me surprised I was strong enough to make, and choices that are a bit of both. From issues that affect my fertility and making the hardest choices as a woman to breal ups to self-sabotaging my own life out of my own pain, life has kicked my ass since moving to London.
I will never be the same after this year. I will always be the new version of me, though I’m so happy about that. I didn’t know I was someone who could be so in control of my emotions, my anxiety, my words. I learned a lot about how love can conquer anger or pain. I’m proud to be that person. I also learned when to fight for what you love or want. I learned to stay when sometimes it’s easier to go. I learned when to take a time out.
Taking a time out was exactly what I needed last week. It was the perfect time to check out of London’s busy streets, pressing schedule and everyday pressure and trade it for muddy trails, the sound of rain on the windowpane and the weightlessness of being surrounded by nature. So, I went to Scotland.
Scotland is easily my favorite country in the world. I don’t understand how one country can offer so much. From wild nights out laughing until the sun comes up to sunrise hikes over green terrain overlooking vast natural beauty, Scotland has created a feeling of home and safety for me.
This reset was everything I could have asked for and more. It somehow helped me find my reasonable brain. The side of my brain that helps me reality test all my negative thoughts and worries. I created my own yoga retreat for a third of the price without all the health shots that I hate. I meditated every morning, did yoga while listening to a guided meditation or just after, played with beautiful animals, walked through a cold stream barefoot, hiked, got covered in grass, and oh so wet and muddy. It made me happy as can be. For the first time in a while, I felt grounded. I needed that more than anything in life. I needed to get grounded so I could come back to London centered and filled with self love, no matter what came my way. So here I am, home, and blogging again.