When I love, I love hard. I'm loyal and committed and love consistently. This doesn't mean I'm an angel, but I practice love.
Love is not just romance or flowers or the squishy feelings you get when you lock eyes, though it is those things too. Love is a state of being. It’s like breathing. We love everyone around us without truly knowing it (but that's a far deeper concept so let's save that one for another time). Just like breathing, we don't acknowledge love constantly, but nevertheless, we are so grateful for it. 98% of the time we take breathing for granted. Well, love exists in my eyes in the same way.
Here are a few things I do to feel my love consistently:
- Writing down my fears and frustration. I totally have abandonment issues, which comes with a whole lot of negative thinking. I try to curb that real quick. My favorite way to do it is by writing down those negative thoughts and then destroying them. Burn it, rip it, maybe don't eat it...but destroy it. Your fears just hold you back and true love has no place for frustration, only forgiveness. You sign up to make a relationship thing work, but it doesn't make it not scary. I'm afraid I'm not lovable enough for someone to want to make distance work or that I put my foot in it too much or that my past is too frightening for others. I get frustrated when others are scared to love fully or let go and enjoy their love. But ultimately, harping on it fixes nothing, so I identify it and let it go.
- Wake up and count your gratitude. Maybe you have to do this while brushing your teeth if your morning is rushed, but try to think of three things that makes you grateful for your partner (or anyone really). Here is are a few examples: my partner 1) believes in and supports my dreams, 2) always makes me smile, and 3) always sees the best in others. It's a really small exercise, but it reminds you why you fell in love with this person to begin with.
- Think of three ways your partner makes your life easier midday. That's right midday! I said love deeply and consistently, everyday. Besides, maybe it'll prompt a sweet little “thank you” text during your lunch break. Three things I can think of are 1) always bringing me my morning tea so I wake up joyous, 2) making sure the bedside table isn't left with empty cups or water bottles, and 3) sorting the mail. I know, they are basic things but they actually improve my day. They are small ways that he thought of me and those small things add up to an easier day for me.
- Make the evening sacred. This doesn't mean you can't go meet with friends or go with co-workers to the pub, but on the evenings that you are together, think of one activity to share with or give to your partner. Maybe it's making his mum's mac n cheese recipe, or playing a board game to reconnect, or buying movie theater candy and popcorn while watching his favorite film. It's small but it's a great way to reconnect after a long day and just show that you want to be somewhere other than scrolling through the life of others on Instagram.
These may seem super simple and they are, so it's pathetic we aren't doing them. So, if you've read this, I challenge you to do this for a week and report back on how you feel. Did your happiness increase? Did you feel more in love? Was there a change in the relationship?